How to kill a Lion (In Companies Way)

Posted on Posted in Companies, fun, how engineers die in India., How to kill a Lion, jokes
How to kill a Lion????????
COMPANIES FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING METHODS:

Cognizant Method:
hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more……. and more …….

TCS method:

hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM’s metbod:

hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
he dies of unemployment…

Syntel Method:-

Hire a Cat …
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion….

MBT method:

hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn’t score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:

hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion

COSL Method:

hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance…
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat….

Polaris Method :

hire ..sorry….purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings…(instead of 9 AM …change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT…..

Capgemini method:

hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat…
the lion dies before joining….

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION…..
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
……………………………………………KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
……………………………………..LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
…………………………………………..CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
……………………………………MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
…………………………………………MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE… 🙂 🙂 🙂

HUAWEI Method:

Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion…
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends…
No time for food and family, automatically die

THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST

LNT Method:

Hire a lion….
Take his CAMS assignment 2 times a year followed by Performance appraisals.
Ask him for lots of My Leanings on line …
Send him to Chennai/HYD/BLG; don’t give him his home town.
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time.
Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL…
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls Only Attitude of HR girls.
And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion……

This is how engineers die in India.

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